I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
