Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Who died my cat blue again?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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