dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
