when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize