Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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