the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
