i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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