I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
