So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
