i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So many bounce houses so little time
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
