His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
