It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
