He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
