So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
