I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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