I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
