She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
