I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize