God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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