He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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