okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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