i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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