I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
