I faked an abortion last night.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
time to smoke my breakfast
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
