Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
drinking out of a sandbucket again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
