I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
