Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
