sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't turn off my feet"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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