is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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