At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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