i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
