at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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