Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I should be sponsored by Trojan
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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