my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I will pee on everything he values.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think people are normalizing furries
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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