she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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