It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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