we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
