oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
