if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
His hands were made for my vagina.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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