ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
