i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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