well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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