new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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