I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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