I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
