Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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