we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
