Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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