walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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