he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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