Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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