I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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