I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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