i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
