Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
