He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
