Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
