I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....