he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to