did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit