dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.