you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im holly from the hills drunk
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch