How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.