is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.