every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
