There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
