and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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