can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
