Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
