my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
