"it" just moved
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
