Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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